Regret

I have never been a believer in regret. I feel like everything that we do and everything that happens to us shapes us into the people that we are meant to be. We learn from it and try to become better people from it.

I don't regret wasting 3 years of my life on an abusive alcoholic. I don't regret distancing myself from family and friends for a time to figure out exactly who I was. I don't regret that long stretch of depression that I hid from the world around me. I don't regret contacting the "sperm donor" to learn more about where I came from.

Those things shaped me into who I am today. Obviously, I wouldn't have met my husband if I hadn't wasted my 3 years on that guy. I wouldn't know who I was and what I wanted out of life if I hadn't spent some "alone time" with myself. I wouldn't know how to find the joys of everyday life had I not known how deep that darkness of depression goes. I wouldn't appreciate my father as much as I do if I hadn't figured out the jerk who contributed to my DNA is a total liar.

But there is one thing I regret... One thing that I wish I could take back. One thing that still rocks me to the very core. One thing in my life that I wish I could get resolved. And, sadly, I don't think it will. (I have blogged about it before, so I won't go into it. Those who know me know what I am talking about.) I am not optimistic.

So what do I do? Let it go? Yeah right. Easier said than done. I have a really hard time letting it go. I just have to go to bed every night with this regret. And hold hope that someday it will get resolved... Or, at the very least, I can come to terms with the fact that I can't change it. Hopefully it will be the first one.