Abuse... Again

I know I have written about my past with abuse here, but I feel compelled to write again. I am not going to go into specifics of why I choose to write about this right now, but those who are addicted as well will know why. Don't worry, there is no abuse going on in my household. But you can guarantee there is abuse going on elsewhere.

I hid for almost 4 years. I hid my personal battle from my friends, family, and co-workers. I did not want to admit that I could fall victim to loving an alcoholic. I was embarrassed for one thing. I considered myself, at the time, a strong woman. One who would not allow or tolerate disrespect. I didn't need anyone to make me happy. Or so I thought.

When I first learned of his problem, I was shocked. How could he sneak around and hide this from me for over a year? Especially when I put myself in a not so great situation by moving in with him. My parents were against it for other reasons. Now they had one more reason to add to the fire. I had pretty much alienated myself from them because of my choices.

I can remember coming home one night from work. I found him naked, face-down on the floor with an empty bottle nearby. I couldn't believe that this was my life. Another time, I came home from class in the middle of the day to find him completely wasted. I wanted to turn around and leave. He didn't want me to. After being physically held down on the floor, I finally managed to escape. I ran to the apartment complex office and they called the police for me. He was removed from the premise, but stupid me, I let him come back after he sobered up.

Another evening, I came home to find him trashed again. A fight broke out. I was slammed up against the oven and the fridge took a beating. I was finally able to trick him into going outside and I locked him out. I called the cops. That led to the EPO and then the DVO. But, stupid me, I thought that the court requiring counseling and anger management would change him. Obviously, it didn't.

We found a house to move into. One morning, as I was getting ready for work, he woke up from a drunken stupor from the night before. At that point, I was pretty much done. I tried to get him to leave me alone but the more I tried, the more he pushed. Finally, a coffee table was broken (he put his foot through it) and I called the police. I waited outside for them. He barricaded himself in the bedroom with the dogs. The police had to forcibly remove him and they hauled him off to jail. He violated the DVO.

His mom had been supportive of me up until that point. After that, I was known as the bitch. Because I put her son in jail. He lost his job and I was working so hard to make ends meet. He found a job closer to my hometown. The plan was for him to stay with my parents until I could get moved. Let's just say that he did not behave while staying in their home. (Sorry mom and dad.) My secret was exposed.

I know that it would have been hard for me to tell such intimate details of my life while I was going through it. I didn't want anyone to know. I was in this perfect world with a loving boyfriend and two dogs. But it was a very dark time in my life. I choose to share it now because I want give a little hope. Domestic violence is not okay. You do not have to put up with it. I was lucky that no kids were involved. That would have been a complete disaster!

There is a certain blogger out there going through some scrutiny right now. She chose not to share the details of her ordeal with the blog world. That is COMPLETELY understandable. However, there are people out there that are criticizing her for it. I was, in all honesty, shocked to find out. But I understand why she has not chosen to share this with us. Even though I share a lot here, there are things that I do not share either. Simply because I choose not to. But what I do write is very real. Maybe too real.

The point is, I don't think it is my place to judge. And I don't think anyone else should either. Instead, we should support one another. (Yeah, that was my Kum By Yah moment!) I feel really sorry for anyone going through something like that. Especially when kids are involved. And for the people who read blogs just to find fuel for their fires... They need to move on. Spend the energy helping someone instead of trying to bring them down. Our goal as humans should be for the greater good.