Adoption Part 2

This man was surprisingly nice to me when I spoke to him on the phone. I honestly was expecting a slamming of the phone. So he gave me this little tidbit of info. He promised to tell his wife and daughters about me. Finding out that he had 5 girls was... shocking. So I looked up where he told me to look. I ended up getting pregnant. So finding out more got put on a back burner. Then, of course, Tater Bug's premature birth and all that followed made me want to learn more. I wrote a letter. No response. Then I hit the jackpot and found an email address for the oldest girl who was 20 at the time. I emailed her and told her. I felt sure that he hadn't spilled the beans yet.

A few days went by and then she emailed me back. I couldn't believe it. I really wasn't interested in learning more about him. I already knew what I wanted to find out. But learning about those girls was at the top of my list. I don't know why, really. This girl was really nice to me. She was busy with school and such but we emailed back and forth. I tried not to press too hard. But I found myself wanting to know more and more. We even spoke on the phone one time. There would be gaps in communication but I figured it was because she was busy with school. The twins were just starting college and I told her to have them contact me if they wanted to know more. I never heard from either of them.

I tried to contact one of them myself. I only sent on email. Promised that I would not sent any more. And I didn't. That is when all communication with them ceased. Even the oldest one wouldn't return phone calls or email. I was back to square one. Something had happened and I didn't know what it was. The only thing I can figure is that somebody caught wind of us communicating and forbid it. I don't know.

I found myself continuing the quest to find out more. All I really wanted all along was to just know what they were like. I wasn't expecting this whole family reunion Jerry Springer crying crap. After all, this wasn't my family. I mean, we shared the same DNA but they weren't there for my ballet recitals or band competitions. I didn't expect much. But I did expect more than I got. For them to treat me like a human being. One that has feelings and emotions. To, at the very least, try to understand why I was curious. To be halfway curious about me.

I stumbled upon one of the children that this man's sister left behind. (She and her siblings would be my 1st cousins.) I got a much better reception. I won't go into the details of what happened exactly, but we emailed. Started a relationship. She seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. We ended up meeting. Then something happened that I will probably regret for the rest of my life. This man called me at work, caught me off guard, and I told him that I had met her. He verbally attacked me and accused me of cyber-stalking. Mind you, I have only called him one time. ONE TIME. He accused my mother of a bunch of lies. Basically, he lied to me that day. He deceived me into believing that he had spoken to the cousin and she was terrified of me. Petrified is the word he used. I haven't heard from her since. It breaks my heart. I NEVER wanted to hurt her and I guess I did. I am sorry. T, I am talking directly to you (in case you ever read this)... I am very sorry.

So to my point... I learned quite a bit from that journey. When those girls are ready to contact me and quit letting their parents dictate how they live their lives, I will be willing to talk with them. Will I ever contact him again? No. He is a disgrace of a human being and a liar. I never judged him for what he did, but I fully expected him to act like an adult when I came looking for him. Obviously, he has a lot of growing up to do.

My family is the people who care about me. Blood or not. My father was willing to jump into that role with both feet first for my mother and me. Not only did he do that, he is also so proud of me. The look on his face when he is with his grandsons is priceless. It takes my breathe away. Adoption saved me. It saved me from the heartache of what my life would have been like with this other man in it. I am so very grateful for that!