Yes, I know what the logical response to that is... "At least he did graduate. The alternative could have been much worse." And, yes, I will have to agree with that. BUT this is MY pity party. Four years ago, I felt like the biggest failure as a mom. I know that is not logical either, but it is how I felt at the time.
I was in the hospital. Fighting for my own life. I had just been through the roughest 2 weeks in my entire life and things were about to get even worse. March 3, 2006 was a day for our family to celebrate, but for me, it was the worst day. EVER.
I should have been there to strap him in his carseat. I should have been there to get the at home care instructions. I should have been there to walk him through those double doors. I should have been there to be a nervous wreck during the drive home. I should have been there to walk him through our front door. I should have been there for his first night with no wires or tubes. I should have been there for his first bath. I should have been there... And I wasn't.
Yes, I know, I was lucky to have my mom there to take care of those things. And I couldn't have had a better fill in. She was happy to do it and I was extremely glad that she was happy to do it. I know that I am very lucky. But I am still sad. Not only did my "perfect birth" get taken away from me, but my "perfect homecoming" did too....
No comments:
Post a Comment